I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
