peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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