So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
These tits shall not be calmed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
