I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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