How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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