like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
