Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
