So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize