I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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