Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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