mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
