Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
