put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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