I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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