someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
