I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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