hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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