She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
