I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize