I think my vagina is haunted
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
