It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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