i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
