great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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