Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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