I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
