i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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