it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
being pregnant is like rehab
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
