so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
