You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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