I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
