Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
