it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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