who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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