ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
