You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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