oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
