Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
