I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
