The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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