you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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