Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
