Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
