I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
