The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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