C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
