I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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