Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
