It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
