So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
farters have to be the big spoon...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
