So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
