He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
