He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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