farters have to be the big spoon...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
