I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
