period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
