it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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