Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
