were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
