I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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