Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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