a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
