I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
