I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize