I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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