It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
