I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
