I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am full of burrito and curiosity
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
