i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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